Badger Response
I received this e-mail regarding my post yesterday:
Wonder if the chaps at BREAST can put me out of my misery regarding several badger related issues...
Why do badgers only come out at night? is it maybe because the sun would cause them to 'over ripen' and revert them back to their natural rocklike state?
Why are they black and white? is it because they were discovered before colour television was invented?
Why are terriors so good at finding badgeranium deposits? are there easier and cheaper ways to find it?
I found This football related badger link and wonder where they get their skills from?
Google also provided This extremely disturbing article that appears to indicate how St Johns Ambulance are turning our children into Badgers. I am horrified that this can go on in a so called developed country.
Ok... let me answer these.
1. It's a common misconception that badgers are nocturnal. It's just that when they're out during the daytime, they're disguised as small rocks and bushes. Badgers don't generally revert to their natural rock like state unless subjected to loud Sting or Phil Collins albums.
2. Badgers are in fact orange and pink but because they travel backwards in time, they appear monochromatic. That and their high Guinness content.
3. It's a well known fact that badgers are naturally drawn to jam. I assume "terriors" are high in jam content.
4. These footballing badgers were clearly part of Sven's plan for the World Cup, where badgerised clones of football stars on the England squad were created. 18 Rooney badgers were created and subsequently used to repair Rooney's foot - thus explaining his sudden recovery.
5. Clearly these children are part of the growing "cult of the badger". The only danger is that a real badger might see these children posturing AND DESTROY THEM.
It's a little know fact that badgers - of all varities - are prone to fits of rage. This is generally because they're alcoholic and tend to sustain themselves by drinking Guinness, which sends them into fits of rage. This also tends to make them highly flammable - explaining the badgers legendary fear of fire and petrol stations.
Anyway, I've got to go and check the badger stables now - we keep the badgers in stables with nosebags full of Guinness. They get angry if they don't have plenty of beer.... of course, they get angry if they do.
Wonder if the chaps at BREAST can put me out of my misery regarding several badger related issues...
Why do badgers only come out at night? is it maybe because the sun would cause them to 'over ripen' and revert them back to their natural rocklike state?
Why are they black and white? is it because they were discovered before colour television was invented?
Why are terriors so good at finding badgeranium deposits? are there easier and cheaper ways to find it?
I found This football related badger link and wonder where they get their skills from?
Google also provided This extremely disturbing article that appears to indicate how St Johns Ambulance are turning our children into Badgers. I am horrified that this can go on in a so called developed country.
Ok... let me answer these.
1. It's a common misconception that badgers are nocturnal. It's just that when they're out during the daytime, they're disguised as small rocks and bushes. Badgers don't generally revert to their natural rock like state unless subjected to loud Sting or Phil Collins albums.
2. Badgers are in fact orange and pink but because they travel backwards in time, they appear monochromatic. That and their high Guinness content.
3. It's a well known fact that badgers are naturally drawn to jam. I assume "terriors" are high in jam content.
4. These footballing badgers were clearly part of Sven's plan for the World Cup, where badgerised clones of football stars on the England squad were created. 18 Rooney badgers were created and subsequently used to repair Rooney's foot - thus explaining his sudden recovery.
5. Clearly these children are part of the growing "cult of the badger". The only danger is that a real badger might see these children posturing AND DESTROY THEM.
It's a little know fact that badgers - of all varities - are prone to fits of rage. This is generally because they're alcoholic and tend to sustain themselves by drinking Guinness, which sends them into fits of rage. This also tends to make them highly flammable - explaining the badgers legendary fear of fire and petrol stations.
Anyway, I've got to go and check the badger stables now - we keep the badgers in stables with nosebags full of Guinness. They get angry if they don't have plenty of beer.... of course, they get angry if they do.
posted by Prophet Tenebrae at 11:24 pm
1 Comments:
There are an infinite number of badgers that exist in all of space time but narrowed down to a second, there are a approximately 37 in second to second existence.
They spread out though, so it seems like more.
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