Hell Hath No Fury Like A Badger Sober

I had a close encounter of the badger kind last night.

I was just doing my evening rounds when several badgers leapt out of their enclosures and went straight for my throat. It's a well known fact that badgers are capable of launching themselves upto three metres in the air and have teeth that are capable of literally shredding corrugated carboard.

Fortunately, I was wearing a poloneck and was able to soothe them into a mild trance like state by humming the Dr. Who theme tune and then reciting the first thirty-seven elements of the period table (badgers also find the Lanthanides very relaxing). Naturally, I was surprised that the badgers had attacked me... and that we had such ridiculously lax security for the badgers.

Polonecks can save lives though.

Anyway, I later discovered there had been a hold up in the daily Guinness tanker. So those were some badgers angrily sober badgers. You can't blame them for lashing out. Fortunately, the Guiness arrived not long after that and so all the badgers were happily drunk again by tea-time. Over eighteen lab assistants were brutally mauled to death in the interim though.

Still, live and learn... well, unless you're mauled to death by an angry badger. Not much learning to do when you're dead.